Christmas Kiss
by cuter-than-a-guinea-pig
Summary: Christmas. If ever there was a day to bury yourself into the arms your favorite boy and drift back to sleepy, this was it.


Kurt shivered awake. It was something he had gotten used to over the past month or so. His eyes blinked open lazily and at the silent, misty sight of his breath on the air. Winter in New York in a poorly insulated loft was not for the faint of heart or singles. Luckily, he was neither. Smiling softly and not bothering to glance at the alarm clock on the bedside table, he wrapped the comforter a little snugger against his body and ducked his head, tucking it just under Blaine's chin and pressing the rest of their bodies flush. He heard Blaine hum happily in response. It was faint but the world was still quiet and Blaine's chest rumbled against his cheek. He buried his nose in warm cotton of his navy sweater allowing that sweet smell of boy to warm his skin. It took his sleepy mind, hazed by the surrounding presence of his fiancé, a moment to realize why the city was still in slumber.

Christmas.

If ever there was a day to bury yourself into the arms your favorite boy and drift back to sleepy, this was it. There were many grade school children that may disagree with him but Kurt didn't care. He wouldn't have to deal with them for several years to come. That did not stop that joy that propelled all those children out of bed at ungodly hours from filling him though and that joy radiated through his body warming him even more and lulling him back to sleep.

He blinked awake later a little more willing to embrace the conscious state. The golden eyes gazing peacefully back at him could have melted all the snow in Manhattan but they were focused only on him. One more shield against the frosty bite still lingering in the air but now kept at bay from his skin.

"Good morning," Blaine greeted him quietly, his voice low with a groggy warmth.

Kurt inched closer, brushing his nose past Blaine's in an equally hushed play before pressing their lips together. "Merry Christmas," he whispered as he pulled away.

"Merry Christmas," Blaine replied almost wistfully.

Kurt leaned in for another kiss. Blaine's childlike wonder for the holiday was just too cute.

"I've missed my Christmas kiss," Kurt said with a hum as he licked his lips when they parted again.

"I seem to recall some lip lock action last year," Blaine recalled in a blissful, sleepy haze.

"That wasn't the same." The correction came out a little snappier than intended and Kurt winced when Blaine's eyes shot wide with sudden worry and unease. "Oh, B, no. I'm sorry. That came out wrong," he rushed to sooth what he could. He could never tame the entirety of the pang though. Kurt knew that all too well.

"No, hey, it's fine. It's… Was it really that different?"

For Kurt, that wasn't a simply question to answer. Last year's kiss had not been all different. The city noise had still been dampened by snow, seemingly shrinking his world to only himself and the boy sleeping on the couch. The extraneous bad had been peacefully buried under the white powder, slowly, flake by flake. And the cold had caused him to seek out the other's body heat. Together, wrapped in each other, under the red and black flannel blanket there was a moment when he realised that in that moment they both wanted only one thing: to turn back time. That night, for the first time, they somehow managed if only for a moment. Kurt soaked up the familiar lips with his own not knowing how long he'd be able to remain in the fantasy.

Six hours and twenty three minutes. That's how long it took for the pang to return to his chest as he woke up the next morning in Blaine's sleep, limp arms. The pang was followed by the realization that it wasn't simply the cold that had caused him to rise from his bed, it was overwhelming loneliness. A loneliness worse than his early high school days because now he truly knew what having someone and in turn, belonging to them felt like. He knew what he was missing. As nice as those previous few hours had been, and they had been more than nice with the perfectly moulded bodies, the strong arms, the warm, kiss wet lips, and the soft gaze from the wide, round eyes, the feeling of unease and almost shame had never been a part of the picture before and so he knew he had not yet fully recovered what he had lost.

"Yes," he answered definitively after a while. "There was just… I don't know. Something off about… after. It felt like I was using you or lying to myself or something. Like, it wasn't real."

"It was real for me," Blaine tried, bringing his hand up to card through Kurt's sleep messy but still oh so soft hair.

"See, there. We weren't on the same page." Kurt snuggled his body closer to Blaine's as he spoke, tucking his head under his chin. It was sort of a semi-conscious habit he had developed when they spoke about the break up. It was his way of making sure Blaine knew he wasn't angry or upset anymore while they were brought back to one of the darker times in both of their lives. "I wasn't even sure which page I was on and that just left me with a weird felling in the morning. I remember after our first kiss, that night, I couldn't stop smiling and thinking about it and about seeing you again and getting to kiss you again and it was all just ridiculous and silly and I expected the feeling to fade after a while but it never completely did. Last Christmas though, it was almost empty. I didn't know what to do or what to say to you or how to act around you. Those questions have never been there before."

"I'm sorry," he felt Blaine murmur into his hair.

"No, no. It's not like that," he protested, shaking his head back and forth against Blaine's chest. "I promise. You didn't do anything wrong and I don't regret it. I think it may have helped us get back here faster. While I was with you that night everything was perfect. It was just afterwards because I guess I wasn't ready yet and we hadn't sorted everything through. But that helped me see that there was still something there worth working for. I don't know. It all seems a little silly now though."

"Never. It's never silly."

Kurt smiled warmly at Blaine's words and pressed a light kiss to navy cotton sweater. "Love you," he mumbled.

"Love you too. Would you like me to go put on the coffee?"

"Mmmm, yes. Later though. Now I just want you. Christmas can wait."


End file.
